I can’t quite let go of this Exit Strategy idea. I thought maybe I should create an exit strategy for my blog. After all, I have completed 15 months of blogging about my cancer and that seems like enough on that topic. I started to create another blog—titled “Edythe Ann - Still Standing” or something like that but “Edythe Ann Says” seems sufficient for just about everything. I can just continue with the same blog and talk about anything I want. That seems good enough for now.
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Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friendship
Friendship is a precious thing. There is no doubt about that. But just what is it that defines a friend?
I took a road trip recently that made me think a lot about friendship and what it means to me. I am blessed with friends. Sometimes I feel sad because most of my friends don’t live near enough to visit easily. That lead me to wonder why I don’t spend more time with the friends I do have who live closer to home. I wonder if I put too much value on the more distant friendships and why that is.
There is no one thing that defines friendship. I think I value different friends for different reasons. One special friend is a woman I knew in high school. She is a kind and caring person and calls me up just to touch base and see how I’m doing. Her calls always make me feel that she truly cares about me. When I’m in her company, I feel comfortable knowing how very long we have known each other and how our roots are entwined. Now that my mother has died, Ruth is the last person in my life who remembers me as a girl. She knows how silly I could be and how deadly serious. She didn’t know me during my years as a mom and a career woman and I didn’t know her during her years as an accomplished teacher. We are connected by our girlhood. It’s a wonderful connection.
I met my friend Brence in the early 70’s. She taught my children in their middle school years and our friendship evolved over card games. The moment I knew she would be my friend was after a casual conversation where we mentioned the idea of a trip to Vegas. The next thing I knew, she had dates and prices for hotels and airfares. I had always been the organizer, the one who plans. At last, here was someone who also planned and organized things. Many things have linked us over the years: spring training in Arizona, The S.F. Giants, Scrabble, aid and comfort as we struggled through our divorces and painful readjustments but the one true moment was recognizing a kindred planner.
Some of my friendships formed though work. One thing about working for the IRS is that we connect on the job because we find it difficult to connect outside the job. Fellow workers know what we do and don’t have to tell endless stories about how the IRS mistreated them or how they outsmarted an auditor. We may laugh at ourselves but flinch when outsiders scorn what we do for a living. Some of those friends I appreciate because we did the same job and have a real understanding of just what it meant to be a field revenue officer. Others had different jobs but worked in close proximity. We knew each other as much because of social time together as because of hearing each other deal both professionally and personally on the telephone. We couldn’t help but overhear the personal aspects of life that sometimes had to be handled at work. Knowing so much about another person means one of two things: we draw closer or we erect barriers. More often than not, we commiserated. We went out to lunch, out for drinks, had game nights and we talked.
Other friendships are based on other common experiences or interests. Sometimes, they involve secrets. When someone has a painful history and you find common territory, a bond forms. You can see in their eyes that they truly “get” you in a way others simply can’t because they can’t or won’t imagine that your experience is true. They (the others) want you to stay in character and not rock the boat. The real friends will help you rock the boat and then help you back in if you tip it over.
Sometimes, friendships form because you admire someone so much that they just have to like you back. My friend Kizzie is like that. She was the chaplain at the hospital where I got my first cancer diagnosis in 1996. To me, she seemed like an angel—full of wisdom and spirituality. Even when I discovered that she was fully human, my admiration did not slacken. As she opened up to me, my admiration for her only grew. We have seen each other through a lot since then and our friendship is still alive.
As I think about friendships, I realize that they have little to do with politics or personality. I have friends all over the spectrum of liberal to conservative, extraverts, introverts and everything in between. What they all have in common is that they know at least a part of me and accept me anyway. They’ve seen me make mistakes and not live up to expectations and yet there they are—still holding out their hand or giving me a hug.
Aren’t friends amazing?
.
I took a road trip recently that made me think a lot about friendship and what it means to me. I am blessed with friends. Sometimes I feel sad because most of my friends don’t live near enough to visit easily. That lead me to wonder why I don’t spend more time with the friends I do have who live closer to home. I wonder if I put too much value on the more distant friendships and why that is.
There is no one thing that defines friendship. I think I value different friends for different reasons. One special friend is a woman I knew in high school. She is a kind and caring person and calls me up just to touch base and see how I’m doing. Her calls always make me feel that she truly cares about me. When I’m in her company, I feel comfortable knowing how very long we have known each other and how our roots are entwined. Now that my mother has died, Ruth is the last person in my life who remembers me as a girl. She knows how silly I could be and how deadly serious. She didn’t know me during my years as a mom and a career woman and I didn’t know her during her years as an accomplished teacher. We are connected by our girlhood. It’s a wonderful connection.
I met my friend Brence in the early 70’s. She taught my children in their middle school years and our friendship evolved over card games. The moment I knew she would be my friend was after a casual conversation where we mentioned the idea of a trip to Vegas. The next thing I knew, she had dates and prices for hotels and airfares. I had always been the organizer, the one who plans. At last, here was someone who also planned and organized things. Many things have linked us over the years: spring training in Arizona, The S.F. Giants, Scrabble, aid and comfort as we struggled through our divorces and painful readjustments but the one true moment was recognizing a kindred planner.
Some of my friendships formed though work. One thing about working for the IRS is that we connect on the job because we find it difficult to connect outside the job. Fellow workers know what we do and don’t have to tell endless stories about how the IRS mistreated them or how they outsmarted an auditor. We may laugh at ourselves but flinch when outsiders scorn what we do for a living. Some of those friends I appreciate because we did the same job and have a real understanding of just what it meant to be a field revenue officer. Others had different jobs but worked in close proximity. We knew each other as much because of social time together as because of hearing each other deal both professionally and personally on the telephone. We couldn’t help but overhear the personal aspects of life that sometimes had to be handled at work. Knowing so much about another person means one of two things: we draw closer or we erect barriers. More often than not, we commiserated. We went out to lunch, out for drinks, had game nights and we talked.
Other friendships are based on other common experiences or interests. Sometimes, they involve secrets. When someone has a painful history and you find common territory, a bond forms. You can see in their eyes that they truly “get” you in a way others simply can’t because they can’t or won’t imagine that your experience is true. They (the others) want you to stay in character and not rock the boat. The real friends will help you rock the boat and then help you back in if you tip it over.
Sometimes, friendships form because you admire someone so much that they just have to like you back. My friend Kizzie is like that. She was the chaplain at the hospital where I got my first cancer diagnosis in 1996. To me, she seemed like an angel—full of wisdom and spirituality. Even when I discovered that she was fully human, my admiration did not slacken. As she opened up to me, my admiration for her only grew. We have seen each other through a lot since then and our friendship is still alive.
As I think about friendships, I realize that they have little to do with politics or personality. I have friends all over the spectrum of liberal to conservative, extraverts, introverts and everything in between. What they all have in common is that they know at least a part of me and accept me anyway. They’ve seen me make mistakes and not live up to expectations and yet there they are—still holding out their hand or giving me a hug.
Aren’t friends amazing?
.
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