Saturday, June 27, 2009

I Am So Jealous of Kelly Corrigan

I recently finished reading Kelly Corrigan’s “The Middle Place”. I do truly envy her. It’s not just that she had completed her breast cancer treatment and wrote a book about it--although that is certainly enough to provoke a certain amount of jealousy. The thing is she has this amazing family. Her father, alone, is enough to awake the green eyed monster in any woman. He dotes on her, adores her, lavishes praise on her and thinks she is wonderfully amazing. He calls her “Lovee”. It makes me wonder what sort of person I could have been if someone ever thought so highly of me.

Kelly has a wonderful family of her own--a loving husband and two young daughters. How she manages to juggle family and life while dealing with cancer is a tribute to her own strength and her belief in her ability to do it all. She adores her parents and her brothers and yet ends living in the San Francisco bay area while they live in Philadelphia. With a family like hers, I would be living in the same neighborhood, if not next door. I would be as hooked on her dad as anyone could possibly ever be on crack cocaine.

Read her book to learn more about one woman’s cancer battle but what you will take away is no matter how long she lives, she already won the lottery because she was extravagantly loved.

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

To BRCA or not to BRCA

It’s been over a week now since my gynecological oncologist convinced me that that a BRCA genetic test would be a good idea for me. This test analyzes DNA to identify mutations in either one of the two breast cancer susceptibility genes. These are called BRCA1 and BRCA2 and they are fairly rare. Women who have the mutation are at much greater risk for recurrence and for ovarian cancer. Since I no longer have my ovaries, that is not a concern for me. However, since my cancer is Type 3 aggressive and triple negative, my options if I do have a recurrence are severely limited.

I found out on Monday that my insurance had denied authorization for the test. This was based on a lack of family history. They require two family relatives with breast or ovarian cancer before they will approve the test. So far as I know, I don’t have any relatives with either cancer. If we were to pay for the test ourselves, it would cost $3,120.00. The representative who called me said they could hold the test for a week to give me time to decide what I want to do.

If I did find that I had the BRCA mutation, I could opt for a double mastectomy and reduce my odds of recurrence to some degree. When I factor in the surgical risks, I’m not sure of the statistical benefit of doing that. In addition, for women with the defect, cancer usually occurs at around 35 years of age. I am far past that landmark.

I talked to my primary oncologist, Dr. Cho, before my chemo treatment on Thursday and he supported my inclination to forego the test unless I get more information about relatives on my father’s side that did have high incidences of breast or ovarian cancers. I don’t really expect that to happen and am content with my decision. The representative at Myriad Labs said I could always opt to have the test at a later time.

I am so fortunate to be blessed with a husband who supports me whether I get the test or opt not to have it. It’s a great comfort to know that so far as he is concerned it’s all about me and what will give me the most peace of mind. We should all have the luxury of that kind of support in our lives.

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Monday, June 15, 2009

Ow, Ow, Ow! This Sucks!

We have just had a lovely string of visitors: my brother Bill from San Mateo, California; Chuck’s high school friend Dave from Bothel, Washington; my high school friend Ruth and her man Van from Mountain View, California. Wonderful visits and all seemed too brief and over too quickly. The great thing about having company is that it feels so normal. We do normal things and I act normal which makes me feel more normal. We visit, eat, watch movies and talk a lot. Ruth and I even went shopping. It all felt good.

But today I know I need a down day. I need a day to take lots of naps, watch TV and lay on the couch saying, “Ow, Ow, Ow! This sucks!” So that’s exactly what I plan to do.


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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Death by a Thousand Cuts



Every morning it’s a new inventory of aches and ailments. It seems like each and every one has a voice first thing in the morning and somehow they sort themselves out and one gets to be top dog for the day. The last few days it’s been mouth sores and joint pain. This morning my fingernails hurt. What’s up with that? All my eager little fast growing cells are getting killed off and not doing whatever job it is that they have. It makes for some peculiar side effects but the hope is that those equally fast growing cancer cells are dying right along with them. Meanwhile, my teeth feel loose and my gums hurt and things don’t taste like they are supposed to taste.

Last week my head (scalp) hurt. I thought I had head sores but my hair was falling out anyway so we went and got me buzzed. Chuck has been rubbing my head with cream each night and says the redness is already going away. There weren’t any actual sores but I think something must happen at the follicle level when the hair is ready to break off or fall out or do whatever it does and that hurts. Now that my hair is gone, my head isn’t nearly as tender.

Chuck’s hair is gone too. He got buzzed right along with me. It’s our tradition. My sweet hair stylist, Glenda, refused to let me pay her. What do you say to kindness like that? She saved a big lock of hair for me so we can compare the color when I get hair again. My hair was all over the floor and seeing that gave me a worse moment than seeing my naked bald head. We got through it with hugs and my friend Ruth took pictures with her camera since I forgot to bring ours. Lucky for me she was with us and had a camera in her purse. My slower growing brows and lashes won't fall out for a while yet. Somehow that doesn't seem as dramatic and it's actually kind of nice to get rid of leg hair, arm hair and all the rest of the hair on my body. I know it's just hair but I miss it.

PICTURES; The first picture shows me in all my buzzed glory on our deck. The second picture is of me demurely be-hatted with my friend Ruth.
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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Penetrating the Chemo Fog Bank

I mean to write every day. I really do, but the chemo fog inhibits me and I end up doing pretty much nothing. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Chuck reminds me that my only responsibilities now are to rest, hydrate, eat, take my meds and rest some more. It sounds painfully boring but is actually about all I can manage most of the time. Even that seems more of a challenge than I want to deal with.

Where’s the charming nursemaid with the tea tray when you need her?? She must be on strike or something. Maybe it was the lack of wages and benefits? It's not fun being queen without staff!

It’s been nine days since my first chemo. That means about ten days until my hair starts to fall out. I made an appointment for a buzz cut today. My personal hair expert, Glenda, is not thrilled about doing it but will give me the cut and throw in a scalp treatment. I know I'm right on schedule because my scalp is starting to hurt and the mouth sores are taking their toll. Can hair fallout be far behind? Chuck will join me and get buzzed for moral support.

Yesterday was the first day I was up and fully dressed for part of the day. Quite an accomplishment! The amazing thing is that I haven’t barfed once. I’ve felt nauseous and even gagged a couple of times but no epic barfing. That makes me think I should be feeling better than I am. I’m sure part of the barf control is due to a new med called Emends which I took for the first three days. After that I went on an Ativan regimen with Compazine for back up. The Ativan works and has the additional benefit of reducing anxiety.

I still don’t understand my extreme fatigue. I feel like I’ve been through a wringer. That remind me of when my sister Penny got her arm caught in the wringer on our washing machine. “Oh, yeah,” she’s thinking, “Now you have sympathy for me!” Anyway, it may be the chemo or it may be the drugs but in any case, I’m tired to the bone. I feel like I'm just coming out from under heavy sedation. That's closer than any other way I can describe it.

I'll have my next chemo on June 18 and hope that by then I’ll be feeling stronger. At least I won’t go into the chemo suite thinking that I’ll be throwing up. Speaking of the "suite", it’s not the most pleasant environment, but since I’m only there for three to four hours, it’s tolerable. Sure wish it was more like the lovely chemo spas you see in films and slick magazines. It’s about as functional as a typical medical ward with no privacy and not much TLC. I have to rely on Chuck for that. Fortunately, they have a pantry and refrigerator stocked with juices and snacks and he is willing to go back and forth delivering to me and anyone else who will let him. The woman on one side of me had no one with her and was grateful for the attention and assistance.

Not much else to report for now. I'm still on light fare for the most part. Jello, popsicles, pudding, oatmeal, applesauce, soups, mac and cheese. Kathy says I’m eating my grandson’s diet. Great, I have a seven year old for a dietitian. At least he’s a cute one.

I have one other good thing to mention about today. I had a good dose of excellent “friend therapy”. I enjoyed a nice a long phone chat with my good friend Donna from Redding who always manages to make me laugh. Then my Eugene buddies Dale and Carol came out and distracted me with a nice visit that left me tired and ever so grateful for friends.



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