Bucket List - First Draft

Anything that requires strength or endurance is pretty much out of the question, at least for the near future. That doesn’t leave a lot. Clearly bucket lists should be started at a much earlier point in life. So if parasailing, scuba diving and zip line adventures are out of the question, what’s left?

I can’t help thinking about some of the things I regret not doing. I wish I had spent more time with kids and grandkids while I was healthier. I wish I had met my brother, Steve. I wish my husband and I were better travel companions. I wish I had gone to Italy and the British Isles. I wish I had seen Stonehenge. I wish I had visited out local community theatre. It seems a waste of time to focus on wishes and "might have been" things. A bucket list should be for things that are still possible. So, what is still possible? Here goes my first draft Bucket List in no particular order.

1) Watch my grandson, Douglas, play basketball

2) Meet my brother Steve who lives in South Carolina

3) Visit the Butchart Gardens in Victoria, Canada

4) Visit the Oregon Gardens

5) Camp at Silver Falls with the Siekman clan

6) Visit Rob and Kathy in Sierra Vista, Arizona

7) Watch the whales and dolphins from the beach at Kauai

8) Snorkel in warm tropical water

9) Take an Alaska cruise, see Denali, visit our friend Bob

10) Go to Carmel with my friend Ruth

11) Spend time at the ocean

12) Have a pumpkin carving day with granddaughter Lucy

13) Reunion with my California sibs

14) Laugh, talk and play with friends

15) Go to the beach every chance I get

Wow! Fifteen things. I thought I’d be lucky to come up with ten. Guess I’m more ambitious than I thought.

Last week end, my friend Kizzie and I went to Yachats and stayed one night at the Overleaf Hotel and resort. We walked on the beach and watched the surf and the sunset. Watching the water and hearing the soothing sounds of the ocean are calming and therapeutic for me. It was a blessing to have a brief “ocean fix” but it always ends too soon for me so going to the beach stays on the list.

The reunion with my California sibs is already scheduled for November so I am already putting the list to work.

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Single Digits

Seven. It’s a great number. I was born in the seventh month of the year. There are seven days in the weeks, seven wonders in the world and, of course, the lucky jackpot—777. Now I have seven days of radiation left.

On Friday, when I had eight days left, they started my “booster” radiation. The booster is a bonus of extra intense doses targeted at the tumor cavity. This is based on the theory that if there are any stray cancer cells they are most likely to be here at the original site of my cancer. One might think that if those cells had any gumption or energy at all they would have moved on in the five months since my surgery.

It seems to me things could have been done differently. Of course I don’t recall anyone asking me what order I thought things should take. It makes sense to me that treatment would move from the most specific area to the full body approach. That would mean surgery, targeted radiation, wider area radiation and then chemo therapy. I guess it’s a little late to bring this up now.

So, seven treatments to go. Then I can start working on my Bucket List.


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Left Behind?

I just read about a minister who got his feelings hurt because he wasn’t invited to a picnic given by a group from his congregation. When someone realized the oversight and called to invite him, he told the caller it was too late. He had already prayed for rain.

Why does that resonate with me? I guess I’m still thinking about the “envy thing”. My life feels stalled and passive while everyone else is moving on with such purpose and bustle that I feel left behind. I imagine and hope that will all change when my treatment is over and my strength returns. Then I can begin planning trips and outings with confidence that I will be able to not just endure but enjoy the activity.

A quick glance at the paper shows dozens of things that I think I would normally enjoy doing but don’t have the energy to pursue. Realistically, however, I confess that it has been a long time since I went to a concert or a play. My inertia must have preceded my treatment with me scarcely realizing it. When did it happen that the major events of my weeks and months were church and brief get togethers with friends to visit or have lunch?

That really isn’t true, is it? I was in Georgia just this January and February visiting our orphanage and spending time with friends. Surely that isn’t boring and does require some level of energy. During my treatment and recovery I have enjoyed visiting with friends and relished normal activities. I’ve laughed and giggled and shared old memories and made new ones. Maybe it’s all in my head that my life has become a long, lazy period with breaks for appointments and treatments and little else.

I haven’t been left behind after all. I’m just stalled a bit. My canoe is tied up at the shore for a while but friends row by and bring me flowers and sweets and shower me with encouragement and love. The river is waiting when I’m ready to row again.

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