Mammogram Results

I have been remiss in writing about my mammogram results. I met with my radiation oncologist last Friday and she confirmed that the results were very good. The lumps I have been feeling are merely radiation damage and scar tissue. It seems that this should ease my fears and get me on track to move along and quit worrying about how I would deal with more treatments. It hasn’t worked that way. I am unwilling to believe that it really is over. I can’t explain it and I know it makes no sense. If I actually am going to survive this second cancer then I have to get my act together and start exercising, eating better, etc. If the remainder of my life is to be counted in years rather than months, how can I justify my indifference to my long term health? Even writing this, I feel the resistance coursing through me. I don’t want to be responsible. If cancer gets me, that’s not my fault somehow, but if my lack of exercise and bad eating habits are the cause of my demise, then it will be my fault. ARGHHH! I hate it when things are my own darn fault.
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