Hitting the Wall

This has nothing at all to do with Pink Floyd for those of you who remember his wall.

We have long used the term “hitting the wall” for saying, “I’m out of energy and done for the day”. Going through cancer treatment has redefined the wall. It is more impenetrable than before--a solid resistance to any activity whatsoever. What once was more like an encounter with a giant Sponge Bob it now more like a true wall, not a suggestion of a wall but very real rock and mortar WALL.

My daughter who suffers a long term chronic illness insists on wrestling with her wall. Getting the coffee pot set up the night before, putting those last few evening dishes in the dishwasher, doing those last few housekeeping chores that she doesn’t want to wake up to in the morning, just one more thing before she can let herself fall into bed. Sometimes she completes her tasks barely conscious or coherent. But for her it means she has won a small victory over the wall. The thing is, the wall doesn’t to like to be defeated. If will come around and get you some other way if you don’t respect it.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow when routines that were easily accomplished just months ago are now too much to do. I can’t help wonder how I got so much weaker and whether or not my strength will come back again. It’s one thing to accept that I can’t do what I could at 35, 45 or even 55, but what about just a few months ago. My routine activities from my previous life now seem like a hectic, busy whirl of action, movement and involvement.

I know things will change when my treatment is done. My strength will return and then I will get to decide how much of my past activity and commitments I can comfortably resume. I will do what my brave friend LaVae has done—reinvent my life. I am convinced that this is something we should do periodically and it shouldn’t take a life threatening illness or a major upheaval in our lives to persuade us to do it.

Things change—we change. The wall is just a reminder that what you can’t get through you may have to go around or outsmart. This is when you have to call up all your resources. Yes, the internet helps, but your best resource is your friends. You may not know why you picked such an interesting variety of friends but it is because one of them will have the answer to almost every problem you face. Time to cal them up, invite them over, send them an e-mail. And, zap, just like that an answer comes back that will put you on the right track.

If you don’t already have a circle of amazing smart friends, get started creating one. They will become more important than doctors or advice books in getting you through anything that turns your life upside down. Never underestimate the power of the wall to thwart you but NEVER ever underestimate the power of friends to get you over under around or through that wall.

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